Breadwinner

Hello friends and family. Recently I heard a song about the struggle of being a man. Oddly enough, I identified with the song. I will never know what it is to be a man, but I do know what it's like to be the one who is holding everything together. Feeling like you cannot fail. It made me think back to the years of being the breadwinner. Joe wasn't able to work in his last 7 or 8 years of his life. This meant that it all fell on me to provide. I would work 2 jobs to make it work. I had to ask my parents for money. My son and husband were never hungry, homeless, without power or water. We lived in decent places, in decent neighborhoods. Our son went to charter school until junior high. I did my best to provide. Our son got most of the toys he wanted, and Joe and I had some nice stuff too. I stretched myself and my body as far as I could. I was ridiculed for not being home and raising my son. Joe became a stay at home dad and did as much as he could to help. He was embarrassed that he couldn't provide for his family. He didn't feel like he was a man. Times were very tight. I didn't have much time for anything extra. I tried to show up to our son's school things. I couldn't take time off, and we couldn't afford a vacation. We squeezed in time together as much as possible. I felt like a hamster in a wheel, just running but getting nowhere. All the money was gone by the time I got paid. Not sure how I did it all now, but I did. I drove as far as necessary to get to work. I stayed in jobs I hated to support my family. I was the breadwinner, but I wasn't considered that because I'm a female. Even when we did our taxes, I couldn't be listed as the breadwinner. I didn't do it for a title or praise, but I would have appreciated a little more understanding from the world. It shouldn't be about the gender of the person who is handling shit, it should be about that the shit is being handled. I'm so proud of myself for what I accomplished during those years. I am so grateful for the support of my family and friends, and Joe. Even though I'm a smallish bear, with disabilities, I am mighty. I did what many would consider impossible. I just didn't give up, and I didn't listen to the naysayers. May you remember that you are mighty, today and everyday, Ceeeej 

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