Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

Hello my fellow travelers. Once again life has swept me up in it. So many things are happening, good things. I have been sober for 26 months as of 2 days ago. I have been sober for approximately 1,138,900 minutes. One day at a time, sometimes one second at a time. And no cigarettes for 9 months. Life is really good, so my brain always looks for something to be awry. Joe has been gone 9 years as of March 20th. I'd love to say that I'm over it, but that would be a lie. And I'm ok with that. With as much as I love him, it would be unreasonable to assume that I will ever forget. Since becoming sober, I've changed so much. I'm no longer tolerating any bullshit, regardless of who it comes from. Which means I am losing people in my life. My boundaries are becoming firmer, and I believe someone when they show me who they are, the first time. I'm becoming less of a people pleaser, and thinking more about myself; and my own safety and recovery. For the first time, ever, I...

The Kiefer Pear in the picture was just a stick for a month, and shot up when I cut her down to the thick part in the middle . I hope this finds everyone well. Life is a struggle. Not sure why but that's the way it is. This year I decided to start some fruit and shade trees. Out in the presert! Crazy, I know. I can't tell you how many trees I've attempted to grow out here. This year I was fortunate enough to find older trees. A couple years old. I have many things against me here. The wind, the sand, the lack of water, the temperature, etc. Oh, and I live on a hill. If you've never lived in a desert, it's unlike anything else. My ground is a combination of sand and clay. Not the best for growing anything but weeds and cacti. I've spent many hours watering sticks. Wandering around the yard watering nothing, being followed by my furry four legged loyal companions. I was diligent, but ignorant. I did nearly everything wrong. I watered at night. Which se...

6 and a half years ago I arrived in the presert and I was not prepared for the life I was going to have here. It's been very difficult and lots of FFT's (fucking first times). I've wanted to give up and go back to the world. I've been told by many that I couldn't do it. I'm so grateful I did not give up. I've done so much I never thought I'd do. I've proven to myself that I am truly mighty and brave. I own my life and my home. I've gained much from this experience. I'm not sure if I will be here forever, but I am here for now. I get to live however I choose out here. I'm finding peace and love for myself and freedom. I highly recommend moving out to the middle of nowhere to find yourself. Looking forward to more adventures in the presert! Thank you for joining me on this voyage, Ceeeej