Birthdays and Holidays

Hello, friends. I apologize for being so late in posting. Life has been crazy, per usual, and winter is once again here. I hope you are all well. Recently I celebrated my 51st birthday.  While I'm so grateful to be blessed with each day, birthdays are different now, and I miss my person extra. Here is something that came to mind. Something happened when Joe died, I became homeless. I still had a roof over my head, but I no longer had a home. He had been my home. Who was I without him? I no longer knew. He had been my world, and suddenly my world imploded. He has been gone almost 7 years, and I am still angry and sad. Angry at myself for not being able to prevent his death, and angry at him for abandoning us, and angry at the planet for not noticing that he wasn't there anymore. I have built a brand new life, but I can still feel the gaping hole that he resided in. I have tried to fill it with people, alcohol, distractions. Nothing has been successful. I am trying not to dread the impending holiday season, but it's a difficult time of year for me. I think I am going to probably boycott the holidays again this year, since it was so successful last year. I have been considering how I might honor him during this time. He loved the holidays and he made extravagant meals. I was the baker of the holidays, so I have been thinking about baking. Since moving off grid I haven't really been baking much. It might help me to get through this season by reminding me of the happy holidays of yesterday. Thank you for reading my rambling. May your holidays be blessed, Ceeeej 

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