What's up

.                    Sunset 

Once again I find myself apologizing for being so tardy in posting. I am sorry. I will most likely do it again, since life happens. I'm healing from many things. Obviously still working on grief and trauma, also recovering from a hip replacement. I'm doing very well with my new hip, and I'm doing physical therapy and walking my dogs. I wish I would have replaced it sooner. I'm dedicated to my physical health, as well as my emotional health.

I'm still no contact with my previous ex. It's been 6 months. It's not always been easy to keep no contact, but it is an absolute necessity. I'm reminded by friends and family what could happen if I don't remain no contact. I'm regaining my life back. I'm beginning to realize that his behavior had nothing to do with me.

I've stopped drinking. It's been 4 and a half months without a beer. I never imagined that I would quit drinking. After losing Joe, it felt like that was my only bond to him. I didn't want to quit, because I thought I'd lose our connection. We brewed together. We went to breweries together. He came to the brewery I worked at. Craft beer was something we both loved. Since becoming sober a lot has changed for me. I have clearer sight. Decisions are more clear. I have accomplished a lot at my place, although I have a bunch to do still. Boundaries have been easier to hold for myself. I'm gaining self confidence. I'm starting to feel more and more deserving of good things. 

I just went through the anniversaries and Joe's birthday. This year was the least horrible since his death. Usually that span of 10 days puts me into complete meltdown mode with excessive drinking. Not this year. Our wedding anniversary went by forgotten until the next day. It was just a normal day. I hadn't braced myself for impact this year. The irony of this is that almost the entire time we were married, I forgot our wedding anniversary. I never forgot the anniversary of when we met, which falls a week after our wedding anniversary, but I couldn't remember the date we got married. Weird. This is the first year since losing my husband that I've forgotten. During the 10 days, I went to the mountains, completely unplanned. I went to the creek, got rained out. I practiced some extra self care. For what would have been his 52nd birthday, I went with a friend on an out of town adventure. It was a really lovely day, and the weather was beautiful, which is rare in August.

In the midst of this life, I'm reminded to be grateful. I am so fortunate to be having this experience! Thank you for letting me share it! Sending positive vibes, Ceeej

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