A Very Long Time Ago

My mom recently sent me this picture of me from about 45 years ago. She found it in my grandma's prayer book. (She was a Catholic) It made me think back to this little girl. She was small and thin. She didn't smile often, because of silver caps on her teeth, thus the tightly pursed lips. Thankfully they were on her baby teeth. She was serious and contemplative, but could be silly and playful. She had a dry sense of humor. She loved who she loved, and protected those people fiercely. She was the youngest at this time. She adored her dad, her mom, her maternal grandparents and her brother. Her parents were separated by the time she was 3. She left her home when she was about 4. She was angry and scared, but she was excellent at hiding her feelings. She felt ugly and self conscious. She hated what she saw in the mirror, especially her hair. She was awkward and clumsy. She was already a badass, though, she didn't know that yet. She was intelligent and sharp witted. She was reading at the age of 3. She noticed everything and was deeply sensitive. She loved old people and felt different from people her age. She was wise for her age. An old soul, I guess. She was bossy and stubborn. She was the adult in the house from the moment she entered it. She would give her mom the look that had been passed down from her grandmother. You know that look your mom gives you when you're fucking up, yes that one. She could slice with a look. Her tongue could shred people to bits, and they never saw it coming from this adorable little person. She thought she could fix anyone and anything. She was brave and mighty in that tiny body, and she had no idea what she was going to survive. Fortunately she did and now here we are. I didn't always appreciate her or protect her. I have said horrible things to her. I've let people hurt her and didn't put her first. 45 years later, I love her and I protect her fiercely. Today she is my priority and I am so proud of her. Ceeeej