Wedding Anniversary

Hello my peeps. I hope you are all staying cool in this heatwave that has turned the rest of the country into an Arizona summer. All is well in the presert, mostly. Kittens are growing and wild. They add a lot of joy to the bus. Dogs are used to the heat, but they are hot, of course. They have all been through a few summers. We have been praying for rain, but it seems to be avoiding my house so far. Tomorrow is what would have been Joe and my 23rd wedding anniversary. I find myself gripped by grief today. I have become more comfortable with my unwelcome guest over the last 6 years and the tears that come with it, however, sometimes I wish I could evict her. I get tired of being overtaken by the giant waves that arrive unannounced, and usually at the most inopportune times. At this time of year I have our wedding anniversary, then the anniversary of when we met, and then Joe's birthday. It's a really rough time for me. This year I'm trying to do it better. I want to honor our life together and be grateful for our time. 20 years doesn't seem long enough, but it's what we got. Tomorrow I am not sure what I will do, but I'm thinking about taking a picnic to the nearby creek, and enjoying the water with someone who cares about me. My mom will probably text me, because she remembers the tough days. I am so blessed in my friends and family. Losing Joe showed me who my people are. I lost most of my relationships with many people who I'd known for over 2 decades. The people who love me truly are still here, and encouraging me through all of the bullshit that comes with losing a spouse. I've found new people also who have been where I've been. I will put one foot in front of the other, and take these days one moment at a time. I will cry, I will be angry, and I will feel whatever arrives. I will breathe, and I will see you on the other side of the impending anniversaries. Much love, Ceeeej 

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