Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

On August 5th, 1996 a guy walked into a bar. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. He had on plaid shorts, a striped shirt, and a baseball cap. I had no idea that this man would change my life forever, but I'm so glad he did. We had nearly 21 years of amazing and awful, thanks to a terrible illness called Multiple Sclerosis, and later Dementia. We were blessed with love and joy, mostly. He was my best friend,  my husband, the father of our son, my biggest fan, my greatest adventure, the love of my life, my entire world. He was one of the few men I ever trusted completely. He treated me with respect and patience, even when I was behaving like an asshole. He loved that I am intelligent and he was my loudest cheerleader. He made me believe in myself. He called me his wonder woman. He believed in me. Today I miss him terribly, but I'm so grateful for his existence in my life. Tomorrow is what would have been his 51st birthday. These days are difficult without him, bu

Hello my peeps. I hope you are all staying cool in this heatwave that has turned the rest of the country into an Arizona summer. All is well in the presert, mostly. Kittens are growing and wild. They add a lot of joy to the bus. Dogs are used to the heat, but they are hot, of course. They have all been through a few summers. We have been praying for rain, but it seems to be avoiding my house so far. Tomorrow is what would have been Joe and my 23rd wedding anniversary. I find myself gripped by grief today. I have become more comfortable with my unwelcome guest over the last 6 years and the tears that come with it, however, sometimes I wish I could evict her. I get tired of being overtaken by the giant waves that arrive unannounced, and usually at the most inopportune times. At this time of year I have our wedding anniversary, then the anniversary of when we met, and then Joe's birthday. It's a really rough time for me. This year I'm trying to do it better. I want

A lot of years ago, seems like another life ago, I was brave and mighty and seemingly unstoppable. Then it happened, everything crashed and the facade came crumbling down. Was he my best friend, yes! Was he my love, yes! Was he my beer drinking, hat wearing, music loving partner in crime, yes! The facade is the fact that things were much worse for us, especially him, than any of us ever let on. He was definitely one of my favorite people to be with. We spent as much time together as we could. He was truly my friend and love. On the first day of spring when he passed away I had no idea that my life was going to change, completely and utterly. We'd always talked about how he wanted me to handle this, but I'd never even thought about what happened after that. What was I supposed to do now? I had left my job and had bills and my son and a house and a car I couldn't afford. Returning to work was not an option at the time. Sometimes I barely got out of bed or left the house. How

About 6 or 7 years ago, I made a promise. One of the biggest and scariest promises I have ever made. Joe was the only person who had read all of my writings. He knew that his time was coming to an end. He made me promise that I would share my words with the public. He said that it might help someone, and I think he knew that it might help me. I was going to bear my soul to the world...scary. And here I am. Writing for me, for you. My book is coming soon. Sometimes it takes baby steps to get to where you want to be, but everything is progress, no matter how small. Ceeeej the Renegade