5 years

If someone would have told me 5 years ago that I would have the life I do now, I would have punched them in the damn face! 5 years ago I had a beautiful home and a brand new car, neither I could afford. I  was $4000 in debt every month before food and gas. I had been working as a production manager in cannabis, 90 miles away from home, 6 days a week until recently. I didn't know that I was not going to return to a job again. I had quit to take care of my beloved husband. I didn't know that my life was going to change instantly. Joe had battled multiple sclerosis and dementia for many years, over a decade. In 15 days the battle would be over for him and mine would just be beginning. Who was I if I wasn't his wife and caretaker? I was lost, completely. I have struggled with this gigantic grief but I have never given up. I have faced anxiety, panic attacks, depression, substance abuse, loneliness with as much bravery as I could muster. 5 years later I have found peace, healing, growth, silence and myself. Life is not linear. It's like the ocean and we have to ride the waves and flow with what happens. Ceeeej