Valentines Day

            Flowers I got myself 

As Valentines Day approaches, I am taken back in time. Joe showed me every single day that he loved me, and we all know that Valentines Day is the day when people who don't usually go out decide to fill the restaurants and theaters. In the service industry, it's known as the amateur hour. Joe and I would usually go out day drinking at local breweries and find a delicious meal on Valentines Day, if I got the day off, then we would go home and watch a movie. He was always good about making me feel special, especially on the important days. Our last Valentines Day was 2 years before he passed away. We had driven from Montana after attending my grandmother's funeral. We got into town late, and it began snowing. We forgot that it was Valentines Day. Every restaurant was fully booked, except for one. We were tired and hungry and we wanted to get home. I didn't feel like celebrating anything, and I didn't know that it would be one of the last. We ate some delicious food and chatted about my grandma. I knew already how much I would miss her. I was safe in this place. Joe had endured so much fire with me, and he was always there through all of it. I remember, at one point, just feeling so grateful that this human had chosen me. The last Valentines Day that he was alive I don't remember. Life was already unraveling and had been since around Christmas. It's been almost 6 years without his physical presence. I have not given myself the love that I have so readily doled out to others. This Valentines Day I'm changing that. I have decided to take myself on a date. I'm getting a pedicure, buying myself flowers and chocolate, taking myself out to lunch, and might even wear a dress. We should be able to love ourselves more than anyone else does. It has taken me a long time, but I finally like myself. Still working on self love, but I no longer have to hate and abuse myself. I'm worthy of love, whether it is from myself or someone else. I hope on this day and everyday you show yourself some love. Much love, Ceeeej 

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