Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

You might be asking why is it part 2. Because I haven't told you about the first time we had rattlesnake games, yet. This happened last night, so I'm starting with this one first. I was in my hammock inside the bus watching TV. I have 7 dogs. And dogs bark, sometimes at nothing. This was a different bark and when I peeked outside I could tell that they were focused on something next to the fence. I grabbed my 22 long revolver and checked to make sure it was loaded. Threw on my slippers, not snakewear, but it's what I had nearby. The boys were barking wildly, like they were yelling at it. It was a little tiny rattlesnake, about the size of a small dessert plate curled up. I could hear it rattling at me. I shooed the boys away and emptied the chamber around the snake. My hands were shaking and I was scared. I fucking hate snakes! Unfortunately I didn't kill it. I went into the bus to reload and it was gone by the time I came back out. I checked my dogs, but I

A lot of years ago, seems like another life ago, I was brave and mighty and seemingly unstoppable. Then it happened, everything crashed and the facade came crumbling down. Was he my best friend, yes! Was he my love, yes! Was he my beer drinking, hat wearing, music loving partner in crime, yes! The facade is the fact that things were much worse for us, especially him, than any of us ever let on. He was definitely one of my favorite people to be with. We spent as much time together as we could. He was truly my friend and love. On the first day of spring when he passed away I had no idea that my life was going to change, completely and utterly. We'd always talked about how he wanted me to handle this, but I'd never even thought about what happened after that. What was I supposed to do now? I had left my job and had bills and my son and a house and a car I couldn't afford. Returning to work was not an option at the time. Sometimes I barely got out of bed or left the house. How

I've always gotten along better with men. Not to say I don't have women friends whom I adore, because I do. I have 2 brothers and my dad and my grandfather as the early males in my life whom I love. Until meeting my beloved belated husband, besides the 4 men I mentioned above, I was pretty sure that men were dangerous. Especially if a romance was involved. To the great men out there, thank you so much being awesome and keep up the good work! My husband tried so hard to be a good man, father and husband. He had grown up around uncles, raised by women, and no father. He wasn't super masculine, but there was no doubt he was a man. He was hard on the outside, but if he liked you then he was softer. He was funny and witty. Sensitive and emotional. He was one of the most intelligent people I've known. He was serious and sarcastic. He was chaos and rage, and peace and light. He had an incredibly tall strong wall, but if you got inside the view was amazing! I was fortunate to h

For 49 years I have been a female human. I was just born this way. I'm not responsible for it. In that time I have been told how I am supposed to be. I have been told what I can and can't do. I have repeatedly been told to be a lady. Something I have never aimed to be. I've felt like I was bad at being a girl. I'm a good cook, but I hate to cook. I prefer baking to cooking. Maybe because it reminds me of my grandma. And it doesn't require constant attention. I am opinionated and intelligent and have a big voice. I'm no shrinking violet. Nor a wallflower. Nor a damsel in distress. I'm not demure. I can do the hair, the makeup, and the beautiful clothes, but I'm still me under all of that. I'm mighty inside of this smallish body. I used to feel like it was a cruel joke. People based their opinions on the outside of me, as many people do. I have been body shamed for being thin. Which has turned out to be a medical condition, strangely enough. I  have be

Happy April Fool's to you all! On this day in 1998, I told Joe I was pregnant with twins. I let him think about it all day. Back then, I was not ready to have a baby, but he was. Finally when I got home, I told Joe that it was a prank in honor of the day. I don't think he thought it was funny. I was pregnant with our son by Christmas. Fast forward to last April Fool's. My dog, Roxy, had been stranger than usual. She is one of the most beautiful and weird animals I have known. I had only female dogs. We'd had a dog party with her brother and sister and 2 bloodhounds, one male and one female. On April Fool's night, I went outside because there was a vehicle coming from the west towards my house. The vehicle had turned around and it was quiet. I began to go back into my bus, but I noticed that Roxy was nowhere to be found. She is always nearby. I looked for her. Calling her name. Nothing. Occasionally, I thought I could hear a tiny sound. It was dark. I sea