Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

Hello my fellow travelers. Once again life has swept me up in it. So many things are happening, good things. I have been sober for 26 months as of 2 days ago. I have been sober for approximately 1,138,900 minutes. One day at a time, sometimes one second at a time. And no cigarettes for 9 months. Life is really good, so my brain always looks for something to be awry. Joe has been gone 9 years as of March 20th. I'd love to say that I'm over it, but that would be a lie. And I'm ok with that. With as much as I love him, it would be unreasonable to assume that I will ever forget. Since becoming sober, I've changed so much. I'm no longer tolerating any bullshit, regardless of who it comes from. Which means I am losing people in my life. My boundaries are becoming firmer, and I believe someone when they show me who they are, the first time. I'm becoming less of a people pleaser, and thinking more about myself; and my own safety and recovery. For the first time, ever, I...

Happy New Year! I apologize for being away so long. It has been quite a time. All is well here. I had emergency neck surgery. I'm recovering pretty well. It's slow going. I've had to do a lot of resting. I still can't lift a lot or overdo it too much. The headaches are gone, and the numbness in my fingers and toes is mostly gone. I'm feeling better every day. Going through another surgery without Joe was a challenge. He's been gone almost 9 years, and I still miss him every day. I grieve him while grieving all the time he's missed. We lost our Luna Jade in August to cancer, right after I had surgery. Thankfully I had someone to help me get her buried. She was my first dog I got out here. She was 3 weeks old when I got her. She was supposed to be drowned the day I got her, with all her siblings. I miss her so much!! I keep looking outside expecting to see her lying in the sun. I'd like to believe that she's with Kiwi dog and Flynn dog and Joe. I don...

For 49 years I have been a female human. I was just born this way. I'm not responsible for it. In that time I have been told how I am supposed to be. I have been told what I can and can't do. I have repeatedly been told to be a lady. Something I have never aimed to be. I've felt like I was bad at being a girl. I'm a good cook, but I hate to cook. I prefer baking to cooking. Maybe because it reminds me of my grandma. And it doesn't require constant attention. I am opinionated and intelligent and have a big voice. I'm no shrinking violet. Nor a wallflower. Nor a damsel in distress. I'm not demure. I can do the hair, the makeup, and the beautiful clothes, but I'm still me under all of that. I'm mighty inside of this smallish body. I used to feel like it was a cruel joke. People based their opinions on the outside of me, as many people do. I have been body shamed for being thin. Which has turned out to be a medical condition, strangely enough. I  have be...