Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

Hello my fellow travelers. Once again life has swept me up in it. So many things are happening, good things. I have been sober for 26 months as of 2 days ago. I have been sober for approximately 1,138,900 minutes. One day at a time, sometimes one second at a time. And no cigarettes for 9 months. Life is really good, so my brain always looks for something to be awry. Joe has been gone 9 years as of March 20th. I'd love to say that I'm over it, but that would be a lie. And I'm ok with that. With as much as I love him, it would be unreasonable to assume that I will ever forget. Since becoming sober, I've changed so much. I'm no longer tolerating any bullshit, regardless of who it comes from. Which means I am losing people in my life. My boundaries are becoming firmer, and I believe someone when they show me who they are, the first time. I'm becoming less of a people pleaser, and thinking more about myself; and my own safety and recovery. For the first time, ever, I...

Happy Tuesday, my people! Recently I was talking to one of my closest friends, she's known me since I was in my 20s, about my recovery, and she asked me how I did it. Thanks to her, I will share what has worked for me. In the beginning, I found it rather easy not to drink. I'd just had my hip replaced and I was on opioids and I was incredibly wobbly. It didn't make sense for me to drink. At the suggestion of my therapist, I broke up with alcohol. I found it helpful for me to make alcohol into a no contact relationship. Like a toxic relationship with a person, alcohol became more damaging than good, so I imagined that we had a restraining order between us. This was easy due to my previous dysfunctional romance, that ended two months before I got sober. I just thought of beer like I thought of him. No contact.  Not drinking was easy until I came home. Back to the presert, back to the school bus. On the way home it was so difficult not to stop and get a 6 pack. I needed someth...

Hello my friends. With the upcoming holidays and my new sobriety, something very important was pointed out to me. I must protect my sobriety. Recently I went on a couple trips to see my family and friends, by myself, besides my puppy, Loca. These were my first trips solo since losing my husband. It was many of the places we'd been to and many of the people who knew him. Lots of triggers. I mean, seriously!! All of the triggers! How did I stay sober? And have an amazing time? Well, I took a lot of deep breaths. A lot. I was as present as I could be. I reminded myself that these are the people who love me. These are the people who have endured my horrible grief, sometimes spewed on to social media or over the phone or in person. I was able to put down my sword and be more myself. I was awkward and uncomfortable, but I got through everything. Scared, angry, sad, happy, proud, nervous, loved... I just felt it all. At the end of these adventures is when it was brought to my attention th...