Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

Meet the dogs. The oldest is Kiwi, she is a 9 year old Australian Shepherd and Blue Heeler. I've had her since she was 6 weeks old. She is my protector and best dog friend. We have been through a lot together and even though her arthritis is getting worse she loves this life. Luna Jade is a 3 year old black lab pit bull mix. She is an 80 pound puppy who loves cuddling and adventures. She loves to go anywhere. She is a big galoot with a big heart. She is unquestionably the alpha, but her reign is being challenged. She was born on the first day of spring and she is a moon baby. I got her when she was only 2 or 3 weeks old. Roxy is 2 years old and I don't know what kind of dog she is but she is a beautiful multi-colored brown dog. She is a smaller dog, but she doesn't know that. She is just as badass as the big dogs. I call her my supermodel dog, because she is so lovely. She's travel size, but doesn't like to travel. She prefers to live outside and has endured every t

It's summer 1996. I'd just gotten out of the Air Force and my toxic 3 year marriage. My life was upside down. Everything had changed overnight and I was not prepared. I had no idea what I was going to do. I floated around, like a kite on the wind. I didn't know it at the time, but all this chaos was going to thrust me into a new existence. A recurring theme in my life for humongous change. I was in an unfamiliar bar in an unfamiliar town. The date is August 5th, it was the week of Joe's 24th birthday. A gorgeous man with smoky eyes and long dark curly locks, walked into the bar with a group of his friends. He was wearing a baseball cap, striped shirt and plaid shorts, all not matching. When I saw him, time stopped, along with my heart. I'm a hopeless romantic, but by this time I'd decided I would never fall in love again. I didn't know that he was going to make me change my mind, then. I'm so glad he did. Ceeeej 

Catfishing definition: the process of luring someone into a romantic relationship by means of a fictional online persona. Usually to get money from them. The targeted are usually female, especially those without a partner, like a widow. Recently I was messaged by a very attractive man on Instagram. So I decided to message him back. Maybe it was possible to love again.  He told me beautiful things and I wanted to believe them. I had some suspicions but kept disregarding them, thinking I was just being cynical. He couldn't produce a photo on command, selfie camera broken. He couldn't FaceTime because he couldn't get into his icloud. He didn't message like someone born and raised in the US. The verbiage was off. I kept my eyes open but I wanted him to be real. Then it happened. He asked me to get him a $200 apple gift card. I told him to send me the money and I would. He didn't have it because of some lie. He did everything through Google. I blocked all the accounts

If someone would have told me 5 years ago that I would have the life I do now, I would have punched them in the damn face! 5 years ago I had a beautiful home and a brand new car, neither I could afford. I  was $4000 in debt every month before food and gas. I had been working as a production manager in cannabis, 90 miles away from home, 6 days a week until recently. I didn't know that I was not going to return to a job again. I had quit to take care of my beloved husband. I didn't know that my life was going to change instantly. Joe had battled multiple sclerosis and dementia for many years, over a decade. In 15 days the battle would be over for him and mine would just be beginning. Who was I if I wasn't his wife and caretaker? I was lost, completely. I have struggled with this gigantic grief but I have never given up. I have faced anxiety, panic attacks, depression, substance abuse, loneliness with as much bravery as I could muster. 5 years later I have found pe

About 6 or 7 years ago, I made a promise. One of the biggest and scariest promises I have ever made. Joe was the only person who had read all of my writings. He knew that his time was coming to an end. He made me promise that I would share my words with the public. He said that it might help someone, and I think he knew that it might help me. I was going to bear my soul to the world...scary. And here I am. Writing for me, for you. My book is coming soon. Sometimes it takes baby steps to get to where you want to be, but everything is progress, no matter how small. Ceeeej the Renegade