Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

Hello my peeps. I hope you are all staying cool in this heatwave that has turned the rest of the country into an Arizona summer. All is well in the presert, mostly. Kittens are growing and wild. They add a lot of joy to the bus. Dogs are used to the heat, but they are hot, of course. They have all been through a few summers. We have been praying for rain, but it seems to be avoiding my house so far. Tomorrow is what would have been Joe and my 23rd wedding anniversary. I find myself gripped by grief today. I have become more comfortable with my unwelcome guest over the last 6 years and the tears that come with it, however, sometimes I wish I could evict her. I get tired of being overtaken by the giant waves that arrive unannounced, and usually at the most inopportune times. At this time of year I have our wedding anniversary, then the anniversary of when we met, and then Joe's birthday. It's a really rough time for me. This year I'm trying to do it better. I want

Good day to you all! Recently I was blessed with 4 kittens. They're around 3 months old. I went to a friend's house for a visit, and they asked if I wanted another kitten. I didn't, but it needed a home and was about the same age as my kittens. So I agreed to take the kitten. Originally I thought it was a girl, but it turns out that she was a he. Named it Olive at first, now he's Oliver. He is the smallest, but is fierce and feisty. He is fitting right in. He loves people and is very affectionate. He is unsure about the dogs, but they have been outside mostly since the kittens were born. Only a few of the dogs have been inside for brief periods of time. All of the kittens are growing and doing well. They are so fun and full of energy. Like furry ping pong balls bouncing around the bus. I didn't want more babies, but I can't imagine life without them. Much love,  Ceeeej  Crash, Wilbur, and Graycie  Mr G

Hello, my people. I apologize for the sporadic posting, but I have a lot going on and it's so hot here that my brain is mushy. EMDR is going well, but it's not easy. Everything is being processed and either thrown out or reframed. Pretty much 24/7. I'm very short fused and irritable. And I have very little patience or a sense of humor. I've been trying to get more sleep and drink less beer. Seriously considering quitting drinking, because it sometimes gets out of hand. In the last session of EMDR, I realized that I have the belief that I'm a bad person. This was something I was told, possibly accidentally, for much of my childhood. I believed death was bad, and talking about the dead was off limits. I had a traumatic loss as a young child, and for 40 years I took full responsibility for the loss. I thought I had somehow caused it. I have been able to see that none of the above is true, and have begun to heal this very old scar. I have given back the responsibility t