Diary of a Mad Woman Gone Sane

I was raised, like many of you, with the notion that someday someone would rescue me and we would live happily ever after. I thought I had to be part of a couple. I watched my parents, and others, make unwise decisions just to be with someone. From the time I was 17 I was in a relationship. I thought I had to endure bullshit to stay in a lot of the relationships. I got to have a little bit of a fairy tale when I met Joe, but it wasn't always easy and sometimes we just didn't give up. I'm sure we both wanted to, at times. After he died, the scariest notion was to be alone forever. I quickly sought out another relationship. I was in no condition to do so, and he was unable to be Joe, but I tried to make it work anyway. That relationship just about destroyed me, however it brought me to the presert. Then I found myself alone out here. After 46 years of life, I realized that I didn't know who I was without a man. And I hated myself for being human. I had made so

The picture Joe took of me in 2017 when he helped me buy a car In 2017, just a couple months before Joe died, he cosigned a beautiful vehicle for me. Neither of us had great credit, but he could always help me get a car. Even though he had no income except for social security. Even if he had no job and I had 2 or more. Anyway, he always wanted everything for us. He was rapidly declining and legally his signature wouldn't have held up in court. I'm not completely sure he knew what he was doing, other than trying to take care of his family. His dementia had taken him mostly away, but he knew that he loved me and our son, and maybe he knew that this would be the last thing he could do for us. Since Christmas things had been unraveling quickly. I think he knew that he had to leave, but he wasn't ready, and he knew that we weren't going to be alright. Joe wanted to belong somewhere and now he did and he wasn't allowed to stay. We were approved for a newish ca